Tag: consciousness
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The Black Cat on the Lotus Leaf
On restlessness, and what happens when you stop fighting it. — Some mornings begin in the loop. You know the one. You wake up, the mind is already running, and before you’ve had a chance to breathe, you’re watching yourself watch yourself — aware of the restlessness, aware of the awareness, going in circles. This…
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Space.
On emptiness, devotion, and what the 40s are quietly teaching me. I used to show up every single week for Naruto. Not casually. Not when I felt like it. Every week, without being asked, without needing a reminder. I hated it at first — the main character seemed lame, the art underwhelming compared to the…
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Three Kinds of Action
A field report from someone who finds herself doing things. This afternoon, without deliberating too long, I picked up my ukulele and played. No plan. No mood board. No productivity timer. The mind wanted to play, the hands followed, and that was that. Afterwards, I thought: why can’t it always be like this? And then…
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The Savior Somewhere Else
On ashrams, fresh experiences, and the loop that follows you wherever you go. I am still looking for my savior somewhere else. Lately it takes the shape of an ashram. I imagine going there and learning the meditation Shiva is said to have taught — gaining existential awareness, the kind experienced directly rather than through…
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The Circle and the Center
Everyone is walking from the periphery of a circle to the center. But every single person’s path to the center is different. It is not a straight line but a crooked path. That center is death — or a place where everyone is equal. The paths traveled are filled with mountains and valleys. Everyone must…
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The Measuring Tape
In my 40s, I had my midlife crisis. And today, for the first time in a long time, I have decided on something I want to stick with for the rest of my life. There was a video on Instagram about how many years I may have left — if God allows — illustrated with…
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Loops/Circles
I sat in meditation on Monday and noticed that I am always living from the outside in. Meaning, I am always focused on the outside world or environment. My thoughts, feelings, and emotions are outwardly directed. Maybe because I need to finish a task, and that causes anxiety in me. Maybe I have thoughts of…
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Contradiction
Have you ever wanted two completely opposite things at the same time — and both felt completely true? I want to be productive. But I also desperately want peace. I want to make money. But I honestly don’t know how yet — and sitting with that not-knowing is uncomfortable. I want to be loving, caring,…
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Koan – on name
In your mind Name a person who you hold dear. Think of all the emotions, feelings, behaviors, memories and how the person makes you feel, their face, their voice, a specific memory, how your body feels when thinking of them Now convert this name to a jumbled 16-character name. Store all the things associated with…
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The Thirst That Doesn’t Know It’s Thirsty
On Tanha — Craving — and the Spoke of the Wheel I First Saw Turning “With feeling as a condition, there is the arising of craving.” — The Buddha, Paticcasamuppada I Noticed Something It didn’t arrive with fanfare. There was no dramatic crisis, no obvious object of desire. Just a quiet, persistent pull — a…
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Tired of Your Brain’s Endless Spin Cycle? Meet Papañca!
Ever feel like your brain has a mind of its own? Like there’s a tiny, overly enthusiastic narrator in your head, constantly adding commentary, side stories, and dramatic interpretations to everything? You see a bird, and suddenly you’re thinking about migration patterns, that one documentary you watched, your grandma’s pet canary, and whether you should…
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