Tag: consciousness
-
The warmth within me
The warmth, the kind, gentle feeling— Is it mine? This loving, caring nature— Is it mine? What is mine? What is “I”? Is there such a thing I can claim as “me”? Or was it the gentle caress of a loving mother,a gentle energy within my mind? Is God blessing me today,letting me know that…
-
I Feel Frustrated Because I Am Dissatisfied
“I’m frustrated,” I announced. Three men looked at me. This was already becoming uncomfortable. The Buddha sat quietly. Patanjali looked as though he had been expecting this problem for approximately two thousand years. Krishnamurti looked at me with the expression of someone who was about to question the question. “I’m dissatisfied because I’m not doing…
-
My Meditation for Today
I am part of the Universe’s body. Can the Universe sense me and my existence? Just as I can try to feel my leg or my hand when I do a body scan with my eyes closed, I wonder if the Universe, too, can experience me and feel me—feel my joy, pain, and sadness—as if…
-
Once there was a puppet.
The puppet had no strings, but he was able to move around like a normal person. “How is this possible?” wondered the doll maker. “I don’t know. I can just move, talk, and dance without you, oh master,” he said gleefully. The master, who had worked so hard on the puppet, was confused about how…
-
The Black Cat on the Lotus Leaf
On restlessness, and what happens when you stop fighting it. — Some mornings begin in the loop. You know the one. You wake up, the mind is already running, and before you’ve had a chance to breathe, you’re watching yourself watch yourself — aware of the restlessness, aware of the awareness, going in circles. This…
-
Space.
On emptiness, devotion, and what the 40s are quietly teaching me. I used to show up every single week for Naruto. Not casually. Not when I felt like it. Every week, without being asked, without needing a reminder. I hated it at first — the main character seemed lame, the art underwhelming compared to the…
-
Three Kinds of Action
A field report from someone who finds herself doing things. This afternoon, without deliberating too long, I picked up my ukulele and played. No plan. No mood board. No productivity timer. The mind wanted to play, the hands followed, and that was that. Afterwards, I thought: why can’t it always be like this? And then…
-
The Savior Somewhere Else
On ashrams, fresh experiences, and the loop that follows you wherever you go. I am still looking for my savior somewhere else. Lately it takes the shape of an ashram. I imagine going there and learning the meditation Shiva is said to have taught — gaining existential awareness, the kind experienced directly rather than through…
-
The Circle and the Center
Everyone is walking from the periphery of a circle to the center. But every single person’s path to the center is different. It is not a straight line but a crooked path. That center is death — or a place where everyone is equal. The paths traveled are filled with mountains and valleys. Everyone must…
-
The Measuring Tape
In my 40s, I had my midlife crisis. And today, for the first time in a long time, I have decided on something I want to stick with for the rest of my life. There was a video on Instagram about how many years I may have left — if God allows — illustrated with…
-
Loops/Circles
I sat in meditation on Monday and noticed that I am always living from the outside in. Meaning, I am always focused on the outside world or environment. My thoughts, feelings, and emotions are outwardly directed. Maybe because I need to finish a task, and that causes anxiety in me. Maybe I have thoughts of…
-
Contradiction
Have you ever wanted two completely opposite things at the same time — and both felt completely true? I want to be productive. But I also desperately want peace. I want to make money. But I honestly don’t know how yet — and sitting with that not-knowing is uncomfortable. I want to be loving, caring,…
